Romans 4:20

Smart Ass

I had a 2 hours and a half phone call from my short lived boss last week. She said something which reminded me of somebody.

“You think you so smart ah?! How can you asses my company in 1 day?!”

If…

… I can only achieve quarter of this!

Insane neck muscle. Totally wicked.

Move It!

Just the motivation I need to get moving…

A Short Flashback

Just came back from a friend’s wedding dinner. One thing I’ve realized in all the Christian weddings of both my friends and relatives that I’ve been to. They’ll put up photos or videos of the life of the bridegroom and bride from childhood to adulthood in a flashback form. All of them without fail showed that they have certain qualities that they can be proud of. Abundance. Fullness. Excitement. Satisfaction. Yes, although the flashbacks that they have put up may have been scrutinized tightly under careful selection so that there shall only be memories of the good times, but still they’ve got a whole pile of evidence to spread all over.

Looking at my own life, I think I only have a fraction of what they have. I wonder on my wedding day, how much of that quality I would have? Or maybe it doesn’t really matter at all as long as I have the one standing next to me.

What Goes Around Comes Around

I’m scribbling this fast just for a thought.

That’s what karma is all about. Not to be confused with karma sutra, it’s karma cycle or the law of karma. I’ve got lots of friends who keep quoting this famous karma phrase, just as much as you’ll hear government keep on quoting 1Malaysia everywhere in the media. Honestly, my head feels like exploding every time I hear those overused words. Yes, and sincerely I don’t  believe in them. (You may be thinking which? Karma or 1Malaysia? Your pick)

I used to think that the whole ideology of karma is quite fair, especially in this (asian) society where it is so acceptable regardless of anybody’s religious background. You get what you deserve based on what you did previously- but not as far as what you’ll get as well in your next life tho. As far as the basic idea (cause and effect), very legalistic. As far as the afterlife, I personally don’t buy it.

Yes I do agree that whatever your actions may be, there are effects to it. You reap what you sow. But too much emphasis on this makes me feel that it’s not always the case. People tend to build a castle on this idea. At times bad people gets better and better, and good people keeps on struggling in life. For example, a child in a third world country dies of starvation. What did that child did to deserve this? Just a child, what wrong could a child do in his/her short span of life to deserve starvation, poverty and death? For stealing another child’s toy? For throwing tantrums? For pooping at the wrong time? Where does one places karma in this case? Or you may say, ‘Oh, it’s because the child must have done something very bad in the previous life’ but is that fair enough? How will a child even knows what he/she did in his/her previous life? Even you can remember what you did in your previous life- if there is one. Can a person get punished for something that he/she doesn’t even know about? Isn’t that cruel and unfair? Nobody in any country in this world can get charged in court for things that they are not even aware of. It’s natural for anybody to think ‘What have I done wrong?’ when anything bad happens. Yes, it’s true but I don’t think that’s the case- EVERYTIME. I cannot imagine that people will have to be so conscious of every single little thing that they do to make sure that they did it right. Not that I’m saying that people should do whatever they want carelessly, which is dumb too. Imagine a room full of people around being extra conscious. It will definitely be awkward. It was very legalistic back then, and people are getting more mechanistic in order to deal with it?

I personally believe that there are reasons for things that happen in anyone’s life. There are things that are larger than karma itself. It’s not 100% all the time because of any wrong deeds from the past. But I believe there is space for good things that have yet to come in the future too. It’s easy for anybody to look out for mistakes here and there or anybody else’s mistake, when something goes terribly wrong. Until it becomes so hard to us to recognize the good things that’s happening even before anybody realizes it. Joseph’s brother meant evil towards him, but without realising something good is in store for this family. My Dad used to take the cane and punish me badly if I did something wrong when I was young. At that time I would be thinking that I got the punishment because of the wrong things that I did; karma. But my Dad punished me not only for the wrong thing I did, but also for the better character that he wants to shape me into when I grow up; larger than karma. Good things are not necessarily nice all the time, just like a bitter medicine. As a matter of fact, some people keep on doing bad things because it’s nice!

Back Again…

Now I’m finding myself in the same race again. It wasn’t easy for me to leave my last company. The people were fantastic despite many things that happened throughout my tenure there. I’ve learned more than I’ve expected when I first step my foot in that department. And still there is lots more to learn.

However somewhere inside of me is telling me this is not where I’m supposed to be. Somehow I knew this is not where I’m supposed to be contended with. Yes, there were other things that played it’s part in this too. Health and outside pressure. I can still clearly remember when I first got the job, I was meditating throughout the whole day “Zach, you gotta resign.. Zach, you gotta resign.. Zach, you gotta resign..” Well, it took me 1 and half a year for me to throw in my resignation letter. But then a again, I needed action to make it happen. Although it was kind of a messy process (not smooth in that sense), I knew I couldn’t waste anymore time. Or else 5 years would just be a blink of an eye, and I would still end up doing nothing.

Speaking of doing nothing, yes I need to start applying jobs.

I Don’t Trust…

… myself with loving you.