When I’m at work, work can be so stressful until I have to take my Panadol to ease the weight on my head.
Once I reached home after work, I take another type of Panadol to ease a day’s tension.
Afterwards, it’s my neighbour’s turn to take Panadol.
Good night, peeps.
Note: I do not own this drums. It’s my sister’s. But it needed a room to stay. :)
Out of the blue, one of my colleague said this to me during lunch with full of seriousness, immense care and with grave great concern:
“Zach, if you are looking for girlfriend here, so sorry you have come to the wrong place. This company is mostly all ‘lao ah poh’ (old ladies in Cantonese).. The correct place is the company opposite our company.”
Just brilliant.
Photo doesn’t do enough justice to this. My leg swelled and it’s still swelling after 3 hours. It was bluer earlier on. It must have been the shoes.
WHAT IS IT LIKE?
Today was my first day at work. It has been a long time since I last work in a proper office environment. Nervous, stress and tense. Not, New Straits Time. The environment is very unusual for me, although my colleagues are very nice. I can say it’s very quiet in my department. It’s like everybody whispering to one another. Working on the first day was rather information overloaded. There is so much to learn, too much a chunk to swallow. How the hell am I supposed to digest? Learning the process flow has already overwhelmed me, since it’s a huge company. When the manager showed the computer system (meaning 80% of it in 20 minutes, that’s like learning the entire Photoshop & SPSS at once in 20 tooting minutes!), my brain says “shut down”. I’ve never done a 100% computer based system. This is entirely new for me. I couldn’t even get the chance to get my hands on the computer system (since my user log-in still doesn’t have the software activated) and the manager is already asking “Can you understand? Make sure you can understand ah. If tomorrow I ask you and you forget, I’m going to get ANGRY!” I was like “Whaaa-??” Okay people, at least we know what I’m expected to get tomorrow. No pun intended. My brain ran out of juice. For close to 12 hours, I was sitting at my table most of the time reading, making notes (like in college days) and studying the handbook until my neck hurts. Never before in my entire 15 years of my study life plus college life have I studied something until my hurts- and never before have I studied for close to 12 hours! What a challenging day indeed.
HOW’S THE PEOPLE
All of them are very sweet, nice and helpful. But I can’t entirely say for the German bosses. They’ve got this sinister looks. I’ve met one who was sarcastic with me during the interview. Today, another who was blasting through the phone. It’s no wonder how they can plan the Holocaust.
WHERE DO I EXPECT TO GO FROM HERE?
Get fired within 6 months probation.
…
Or resign after 1 year, because…
WHAT ARE MY THOUGHTS AT THE MOMENT?
I treat this working experience as something essential for my own personal growth and character building. That’s why I needed the working experience. At the same time, logically speaking, I don’t need the job tho. But it’s a challenge that I needed. I discovered that I’m not cut out to be in the office wearing nice butt tight slacks with tight breast hugging nice comfy shirt with air conditioner all day long. To be truthful, I missed working in the hot sun. I miss dealing with people. I miss having to travel far for work. I miss doing the dirty job (I mean literally, not the other way round) and getting my hands all soiled up. I miss carrying heavy loads until my back ache. I miss getting physically tired (in a healthy way). I miss having to go back home late at night in a lorry travelling in the dark from a distant location. At least I recognise what I’m good at and capable of. Working in my new job makes me appreciate my previous job better. Not that my previous job is easy, it’s hard and in fact it’s far more risky than the current job. But counting the fruits that I’ll reap that’s where I realised which is more valuable and more rewarding. I believe I’ll come out to be a better person after this.
Sometimes people think they have the rights to this and to that. “I have my rights!”, “This is my rights!”. Nothing strange in today’s world context. (Although this is not the case in other places.) I think and I feel that most people around me live life demanding something. I have to say I do that too unknowingly. At times, this demand comes in many ways. If I needed someone to help me and that person chooses not to do so, should I be angry? Who am I in the first place to ‘demand’ help from another? It’s so nonsensical to be upset over it. Not that people do not need to have certain expectations on things like achievements and goals, but it seems more that the expectations are to be met with a silver spoon on a silver platter instead of hardwork.
All I can say, so far in all my ups and downs, I don’t deserve to be where I am today. Not that where I am now is something great or commendable. But looking back and counting my blessings, I shouldn’t be anywhere close to even where I am today. I have nothing to complain over another person’s success. I can’t even claim any of my past achievements as my very own success and brilliance. From the earliest things that I’ve so-called attained up until to my recent securing of a job doesn’t mean much of an independent success that should be credited to me. Looking into the details and the specks, I’ve learned to acknowledge that God has His fingerprints in every events that I’ve gone through- though I may not understand every fragments. So do I really deserve to make demands? Sometimes I’m puzzled by the empty ramblings of some attention seekers. It seems more like there is a hidden demand that is needed to be made known to the world somewhere around the corners of their ramblings. “Why this isn’t this way?”, “Why is this like that?”, “Why is my life this way?”, “Why am I so emo?”
At the end of the day, I’m just a grateful ordinary guy who deserves nothing. It is grace flows down that I could not comprehend.
