Last Friday was my college’s last day. We expected her last day to be on Monday, but instead it turned out to be that day itself due to some HR related rights that have been overlooked by the person in charged. So that’s it. She first came into the company on the same day as me. Being newbies we are, we made countless mistakes during work (and I still keep on making mistakes to this day) we would stay late at night figuring what went wrong during work. We kept on revising what was supposed to be done, what we should have done, what we ought to do and so on. We had on each other’s back. That was how it was. To my surprise actually I expected that I would be the one to resign or either get fired first because of my poor performance. In almost every aspect she did way better than me for a newbie. Instead, it was the other way round. I’m going to be so doomed being all alone by myself to pick things up. I couldn’t be anymore appreciative of her effort that she has put in.
Days after Christmas last year, a friend of my Dad was admitted into the hospital because of nose cancer. I use to see him a lot in church. A fellow clansmen and Peranakan we are, so he and my Dad had some close bond I can say. A man about the same age as Dad, as tall as Dad, big, tough and healthy. On that afternoon after church my family decided to pay him a visit. As vivid as I could remember as if it was only yesterday, I saw him lying on the bed. To my shock he lost a lot of weight that I could barely recognised him at first sight. I’ve seen quite a number of cancer patients but probably not at this stage. Immediately it felt like half of my soul had left me to see him there. I was standing on his right holding his cold hand and Dad on his left. His frail voice called out to Dad when he saw Dad. But a few seconds later as though he could not recognise Dad and started talking on his own as if he has lost his sanity. I think it’s because of the morphine that was given to him by the doctors to ease his pain. He could no longer eat solid food so he had to be fed with liquid through a tube and multiple of his organs were failing him. After we visited him in that afternoon he passed away around 2am leaving his wife and children behind. “Life”, as Solomon puts it, “is like a vapour.”
It is easier if you know somebody who’s going to leave. Sometimes more than just a “Goodbye”, the heavier one comes with a “Farewell”. You can show your appreciation by giving them a farewell lunch or dinner or buy them some memorable gift to part with them without forgetting to take some photo shots together. But when it’s somebody who’s going to leave this world permanently, you can’t tell it exactly when. Sometimes even when they are lying unconsciously on the hospital bed, it’s too late to do the things you want to do with them to tell them how much they mean to you. These are the small little things that most people would take for granted until it’s too late. As my Grandmom says, “What’s the point of leaving flowers on the grave when the dead can’t see?” That’s the case that’s happening to most people. When their love ones are still alive, they are left neglected without care, untended for. But once when they are dead and gone, they’ll put up a huge expensive pointless funeral procession for a show. So why wait until your parents or grandparents kick the bucket? I couldn’t measure up to those who have lost their parents at a young age and what they have to go through. That would be the day that I can never be ready to face it.
