When I’m at work, work can be so stressful until I have to take my Panadol to ease the weight on my head.
Once I reached home after work, I take another type of Panadol to ease a day’s tension.
Afterwards, it’s my neighbour’s turn to take Panadol.
Good night, peeps.
Note: I do not own this drums. It’s my sister’s. But it needed a room to stay. :)
Out of the blue, one of my colleague said this to me during lunch with full of seriousness, immense care and with grave great concern:
“Zach, if you are looking for girlfriend here, so sorry you have come to the wrong place. This company is mostly all ‘lao ah poh’ (old ladies in Cantonese).. The correct place is the company opposite our company.”
Just brilliant.
Photo doesn’t do enough justice to this. My leg swelled and it’s still swelling after 3 hours. It was bluer earlier on. It must have been the shoes.
WHAT IS IT LIKE?
Today was my first day at work. It has been a long time since I last work in a proper office environment. Nervous, stress and tense. Not, New Straits Time. The environment is very unusual for me, although my colleagues are very nice. I can say it’s very quiet in my department. It’s like everybody whispering to one another. Working on the first day was rather information overloaded. There is so much to learn, too much a chunk to swallow. How the hell am I supposed to digest? Learning the process flow has already overwhelmed me, since it’s a huge company. When the manager showed the computer system (meaning 80% of it in 20 minutes, that’s like learning the entire Photoshop & SPSS at once in 20 tooting minutes!), my brain says “shut down”. I’ve never done a 100% computer based system. This is entirely new for me. I couldn’t even get the chance to get my hands on the computer system (since my user log-in still doesn’t have the software activated) and the manager is already asking “Can you understand? Make sure you can understand ah. If tomorrow I ask you and you forget, I’m going to get ANGRY!” I was like “Whaaa-??” Okay people, at least we know what I’m expected to get tomorrow. No pun intended. My brain ran out of juice. For close to 12 hours, I was sitting at my table most of the time reading, making notes (like in college days) and studying the handbook until my neck hurts. Never before in my entire 15 years of my study life plus college life have I studied something until my hurts- and never before have I studied for close to 12 hours! What a challenging day indeed.
HOW’S THE PEOPLE
All of them are very sweet, nice and helpful. But I can’t entirely say for the German bosses. They’ve got this sinister looks. I’ve met one who was sarcastic with me during the interview. Today, another who was blasting through the phone. It’s no wonder how they can plan the Holocaust.
WHERE DO I EXPECT TO GO FROM HERE?
Get fired within 6 months probation.
…
Or resign after 1 year, because…
WHAT ARE MY THOUGHTS AT THE MOMENT?
I treat this working experience as something essential for my own personal growth and character building. That’s why I needed the working experience. At the same time, logically speaking, I don’t need the job tho. But it’s a challenge that I needed. I discovered that I’m not cut out to be in the office wearing nice butt tight slacks with tight breast hugging nice comfy shirt with air conditioner all day long. To be truthful, I missed working in the hot sun. I miss dealing with people. I miss having to travel far for work. I miss doing the dirty job (I mean literally, not the other way round) and getting my hands all soiled up. I miss carrying heavy loads until my back ache. I miss getting physically tired (in a healthy way). I miss having to go back home late at night in a lorry travelling in the dark from a distant location. At least I recognise what I’m good at and capable of. Working in my new job makes me appreciate my previous job better. Not that my previous job is easy, it’s hard and in fact it’s far more risky than the current job. But counting the fruits that I’ll reap that’s where I realised which is more valuable and more rewarding. I believe I’ll come out to be a better person after this.
Sometimes people think they have the rights to this and to that. “I have my rights!”, “This is my rights!”. Nothing strange in today’s world context. (Although this is not the case in other places.) I think and I feel that most people around me live life demanding something. I have to say I do that too unknowingly. At times, this demand comes in many ways. If I needed someone to help me and that person chooses not to do so, should I be angry? Who am I in the first place to ‘demand’ help from another? It’s so nonsensical to be upset over it. Not that people do not need to have certain expectations on things like achievements and goals, but it seems more that the expectations are to be met with a silver spoon on a silver platter instead of hardwork.
All I can say, so far in all my ups and downs, I don’t deserve to be where I am today. Not that where I am now is something great or commendable. But looking back and counting my blessings, I shouldn’t be anywhere close to even where I am today. I have nothing to complain over another person’s success. I can’t even claim any of my past achievements as my very own success and brilliance. From the earliest things that I’ve so-called attained up until to my recent securing of a job doesn’t mean much of an independent success that should be credited to me. Looking into the details and the specks, I’ve learned to acknowledge that God has His fingerprints in every events that I’ve gone through- though I may not understand every fragments. So do I really deserve to make demands? Sometimes I’m puzzled by the empty ramblings of some attention seekers. It seems more like there is a hidden demand that is needed to be made known to the world somewhere around the corners of their ramblings. “Why this isn’t this way?”, “Why is this like that?”, “Why is my life this way?”, “Why am I so emo?”
At the end of the day, I’m just a grateful ordinary guy who deserves nothing. It is grace flows down that I could not comprehend.
I thought I was supposed to start tomorrow. It turns out that my first day begins in middle of next month.
“Potong stim”
Just went to an interview this week. In fact, it was the second interview. And the second time where I got into a second interview. Everybody knows what to expect in the first interview. But the second interview is pretty vague. Nobody knows what’s the norm for a second interview because there is no norm applied to second interview in every company.
So I went for the second interview, and expect nothing out of it. To me it felt almost every questions have been asked in the first interview. Little that I know my second interview in this company is all about psychological battlefield. That’s what I least expect to happen. Constant repeating questions with the “are you sure?” as a bullet to my brain. It felt like pre-interrogation. “ARE YOU SURE???” comes with a big stare to my eyeballs. If you have small eyes, you’ll pass.
After that I thought it wasn’t that bad. But when the boss came in, I almost fell off my chair. He asked a few questions, and he seems to imply that he’s stereotyping Asians. I could smell that he doesn’t like me at all.
Boss: Tell me why should we hire you? Why do you want to work here?
Me: (My mind goes blank out of panic) Err… Because I’m looking for a career advancement in a MNC level wher--
Boss: Yea, yea, yea… I’ve heard that countless times. Out of thousands of people I ask this, they’ll give me “career advancement” thing. Same thing. *Grins with an evil smile… So why?
Me: (I was thinking, “WHY OUT OF ALL THE THOUSAND PEOPLE YOU INTERVIEWED, WHY DID YOU ASK THEM THE SAME *TOOTING QUESTION?! I’VE HAD THIS QUESTION MOST OF MY INTERVIEWS, DUDE! SAME THING!”) Errr… Because I dare to take the challenge and the risk…
… and it went on. Once it’s done, I knew I screw up my interview. The boss and the department manager had a short discussion outside for 5 minutes. And later the manager came in and tell me that I got the job. According to the manager, she had a dispute with the boss because he didn’t want to hire me. But instead she being the white knight of the day, decides to give me the job against another qualified and experience candidate. I start to think to myself, she could be genuinely good but at the same time telling me this is like a psychological tactic- that she will probably hold me by the balls throughout my fighting days in the company. I have no idea at all or whatsoever.
So I took the job, since I needed one. I don’t know what to expect once I’m in. But if it’s the fire that it takes to make me stronger, I hope I’ll survive the burn.
One less unemployed people in the world. To God be the glory.
PS: Suharto, please come out something more creative besides “Tell me why should we hire you? Why do you want to work here?” questions during interviews.
Life is just too short to keep playing the game. Because if you really want somebody, you’ll figure it out later.
When I was in Myanmar, my friend ask a few of his friends to guess my age. All of them said, 18 or 20. For some reason they were shocked to find out my age. Then it all started with “He got a Babyface..” I just shrugged it off thinking it wasn’t a big deal.
Then there were numerous occasions where this thing happened again. Even my sister’s friends were surprised to see me. “Ahyiahhhh… Your brother got BABYFACE ahhhhh… *giggles”
I simply can’t get the point at all. I can’t tell if it’s a compliment or just a plain fun poking thing.
After all the Justin Bieber thing is over and now…
…
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I’VE GOT BABYFACE-D!
Not so baby after all. Damn it, what “baby, baby, baby, ooh” song playing now?!
For years I’ve been going to the bank to cash out some bucks the old school way and I didn’t have any problems. Today for the first time, I had it. I was denied of my access to my own money. 6 times I was asked to sign. All failed. Even with the authentication of my identification card against my finger print, the bank officer could not accept it. How strict banking system have changed. Obviously my signature shown in the screen was from since God knows when (liken unto a small kid’s signature; that’s how long it was), comparing to the current, I have to say my signature “evolved”. The only solution is to head off to the main branch and get a change of my signature. But heck I never knew how hard it was to do an initial beginning with “Z”.
My recent Myanmar trip was an eye opener to many things. It was a good exposure. No matter how much I sometimes hate the things around me, but I realise that I should be more grateful. Almost everywhere I’ve been before has taught me little great-lessons. But well, now that I’m back here, I can’t keep living in the past, I got to move forward. Looking for another great adventure. This time, no more strings attached, no more commitments (not entirely tho) I got to put in more effort to secure a job. Hmph…
After a week I’ve been away, my spam box was fill with a shit load of spam mails. Most of it about selling some sex related products. Viagra, penis enlargement, sex mate, you name it, they got it. The interesting part is if this is a computer generated spam, HOW THE HELL DID THEY KNOW THAT MY MAIL IS A MALE USER (see penis enlargement)? In my curiosity, I wonder if female mail users find breast enlargement ad in their spam box instead. That besides the point, how many dumbass will click on these advertorial spam anyway?
I was in Myanmar for a week. And this is what I saw in the menu when we were hanging out in one of the shops…
Something that you can’t even find it in Malaysia…
Ironically, it’s the same thing as Mee Bandung or Air Bandung that you can’t find it in Bandung. Or Mee Siam, that you can’t find it in Thailand. But what about Burger USA?
Then, what was more interesting is this…
PORK BALLZZZZ…
If I find “Fried Malaysia Balls” on the menu, I’ll be walking out of the restaurant.
That is what happened to me within 5 years. That is what an additional 20kg can do.
Recently my sisters went for a friend’s wedding, and they met up with some old friends. (Having second thoughts of adding them to my Facebook.) It seems according to my sisters that there were quite a few of them were asking where am I. Of course I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I kind of know what to expect from them if I’m invited for the wedding. “OMG ZACHARY!!!”
I’m not embarrassed of being fat, nor am I ashamed of my skinny-old-days photos. I am what I am. There is no way of finding another Zachary me. Not Zachary Levi, not Zachary Quinto, not even Zachary Braff and of course not Zachary Efron too. But that doesn’t mean I should go to the extremes where it will be life threatening. Still it will always be good to keep fit, exercise and live a healthy life.
Nite.
Just last week when I was at my friend’s wedding in Muar, her husband did an awesome thing.
To be honest, this is not my first time seeing a bride crying during a wedding. Especially when the bridegroom pulls out a surprising stunt under his sleeves to woo his bride. And of course, every scenario that I’ve seen in the past have their own uniqueness.
Any men who start thinking about what sort of surprises that he’s going to do for his future bride is healthy. Unless his girl friend start giving him a stern warning to do a surprise for her future wedding, that is not counted.
According to Suharto, he said he will do a teh tarik surprise for his bride-to-be in his future wedding. Yes, I can rest assure that his future bride-to-be will be crying. Seriously crying.
I couldn’t resist it, so I gave it a try…
I thought moments of me salivating the burger would send me to another dream land. But not really. Practically, it’s pretty much the same thing. Just that it’s bigger, that’s all. Well, the ladies might disagree.
But I think it will be way awesome if the burger had a mix of chicken, beef and pork. Hence, Triple Mixed Cheese Burger. Hola… That, my friends, would be what I call “the-true-spirit-of-awesomeness”..
I was on the way home from work in Port Dickson. While driving I saw a couple of foreigners standing on the roadside, lifting a thumbs up, hoping for somebody to stop by. One car after another, nobody stop by. I was thinking what a poor fella. The power of thumbs up doesn't work here. What are the possible reason that nobody would ever want to stop by and give a lift? To name a few, this are my hypnosis. Locals are to afraid they can't understand foreign accent? The locals can't speak English? Locals are too afraid of being robbed? Or being raped? Whatever it is. By the time I was giving thought into it, I realised that I've passed them too far off for me to stop by and give a lift. Duh.
I think most people around me are too afraid to take chances. Too afraid of making mistakes. Too much fear of this and that, and end up not learning anything by being too confined. Fear. False evidence appearing real.
Things aren't going easy for me lately. I just need a little more time to breathe. My dateline was shifted to a week earlier than what it was planned for. But I just got another ultimatum for the next 23 days. Conflicting, yes indeed. Everything seems to be colliding. As the time reaches nearer, the road gets bumpier. On the verge of exploding. Yes, it had exploded already but I'm expecting a bigger explosion ahead. Sometimes I wonder how on earth did I get into this mess.
I need to breakaway.
Another 58 days before I work on something new. I’ve got another 58 days for preparation. So far only 10% done. What am I going to answer to the project supervisor tomorrow during lunch? Especially when he’s from a human resource background, he can tell if I lie. When somebody says he or she is a human resource manager, at least two things to watch out; he or she knows immediately if you lie, and extreme imbalance of IQ- meaning he or she could be damn blood stupid (for trying to act smart) or damn bloody smart.
As of this moment, I can jump off the boat anytime I want. But I’m not that irresponsible. I’ve spoken to so many people of the current situation. Some were supportive, some were not, most of them gave lengthy and weary advises. Surprisingly, it takes only 1 simple woman to give me 1 sentence to make sense of everything. But that “sense” have yet to be tested out.
Sometimes the “problems” we have are our very own inventions.
Ain’t that fantastic? General hospital staff using a brand new Honda CRV. Are they going to give the patients a ride on this to the hospital instead of those ambulance van? Now you know why the government had to cut the subsidies, why the income tax dept are working extra time, why Indonesia, Vietnam & Philippines (for heaven’s sake, Philippines? That’s for losing 81% FDI) have overtaken Malaysia economically, why IMF is warning Malaysia of the country’s financial conditions, and why Idris Jala is confident that Malaysia can go bankrupt in 9 years time.
And what you read in papers is that Harvard University is so impress with Malaysia’s economic growth that they wants to learn Najibnomics? Probably they were so impress to learn how Malaysian government can screw up the economy so fast within 2 years.
Why the blood shot eyes? Why the cold shoulder? Why the flaunting off hair restlessly? Why the rubbing off shoulder? I can’t make a point at all. Hello stranger.
Again it happened and no one knows… I think I just got to forget it…
Thought Of The Day:
Have you ever fought for something so much? Wanting it so much? But never got it? But you just keep on trying and trying. Until you give up of trying to get what you want. Then until it comes to a point, you just don’t want anymore what you have been fighting for all these while, and suddenly you just get it. You just get it effortless with a snap of a finger it fell right in front of you. The option is yours. How the hell am I suppose to react to this?! Damn.
Morale: Never ask too much?
Good night, peeps.
… Justin Bieber, there was…
… me. Portrait 2008 PJ.
So please do not associate me with Justin Bie- or whosoever he or she is…
It’s weird that this was the only bee that was wandering around my garden. Looks like he’s lost but at least he got what he came looking for. Do you?
Good night, peeps…
There comes a point where for once I have no idea at all. Where I will say “I don’t have the answers”, “I don’t know” and “I have no idea”. Seems to early for a mid life crisis. Looking at it now, I realised that I have had many minor mid life crisis before. But it’s just that things are elevated to another dimension now. You can ask me 101 real (meaning serious) questions and I’ll probably give you a “I don’t have the answers”, “I don’t know” and “I have no idea” for most of it. It’s a feeling of I’m-not-sure-but-somehow-I-knew-it. Towards the direction to nowhere.
These are the times I needed the answers the most. But ironically at the same time I’ve been hearing too many people telling me so many things- and it doesn’t help one bit. Where were you when I needed you the most? Things are very silent. Things are very slow. Suspended mid air. Just barely surviving.
It was this morning when I woke up to go to the toilet for a pee.
Lo and behold I saw gigantic house lizard on the wall.
The biggest that I’ve ever seen so far in my house.
Luckily at that moment I was able to stretch my arms to reach a cane.
The rest was history…
This 7 inch pest could not escape. The strongest so far ever caught.
I’m not sure whether this is a common house lizard or gecko. The stripes are outstanding…
This fella bites and fights back…
A closer look to the eyes and teeth!
You don’t want to know what happened next.
Sekilas pandang
Mata kita bertentang
Kau berdiri di sana dan pusing ke arah ku
Dan antara semua orang yang mengerumuni aku
Kau menetapkan mata kau pada aku
Tanpa ku sadari, mataku pada matamu
Sekilas pandang
Mata kita bertentang
Melihat matamu yang gelap
Seolah-olah begitu dalam untuk ku mengertimu
Melihat senyumanmu, duniaku tidak mengenal malap
Seperti bidadari, tidak akan ku bosan menatapmu
Sekilas pandang
Mata kita bertentang
Bahkan tidak satu kata yang kau ngomong
Pandanganmu membicarakan dunia
Dalam hitungan saat hidupku tidak mengerti "kekosongan"
Kau ada dengan apa sedianya adalah kurnia
Sekilas pandang
Mata kita bertentang
Untuk sedetik ku berada di syurga
Sebelum aku kembali ke bumi
Hanyalah untuk seklias pandang
Mata kita bertentang…
I think forging is becoming a new learning hobby for me. Although due to the restriction of space at home (especially to keep in mind of the neighbours), I’ll just try to make what I can. So this is the smallest knife that I’ve forged so far. 3 inch blade and 3 inch handle.
Enjoy.
Somebody: Look at Francis Yeo, a great successful billionaire businessman. Everyone (implying to the other person) should be like him.
The Other Guy: Yeah, only if my father is Yeo Tiong Lay.
Kolektibel?
That means “connectible” should be “KONEKtibel”. Smart. I’m waiting for a mobile phone service to intelligently use that word as part of their advertising banner. For instance, “Stay connected with us, stay online anywhere..” translated into “Berkonek bersama kami, beronlain di mana-mana..” That sounds so wrong, people..
My cousin just gave birth to a girl and it’s my first time to be in a hospital room where a baby was just born in a couple of hours ago. Although it’s no big deal compared to those who waited for the moment of the birth and witness it, but this is the closest so far that I’ve been to compared to the rest of my nieces and nephews from my cousins. It was sure exiting for me, even though I never carry her because she was so small and fragile that I was afraid I could harm her. Nevertheless, touching her was more than enough. So far, this particular cousin of mine is the closest to me (even by age) among those who have given birth. At that moment it dawned upon me, “Hey, she is now experiencing motherhood and she’s just a few year ahead from you (me)..” That' just smacked through. Thus, learning to have somebody new in the family that comes from the same flesh and bones is somehow extraordinary to me. The whole thing sounds like a miracle! All those years of looking at new born child was nothing more special than just a ‘cute little baby’. Even when I have not fully comprehend fatherhood yet, but in that moment I had a glimpse into fatherhood. What more it seems, if it’s a girl- the sense of being protective just comes naturally. I can go on but I can’t fully write out what the whole thing is. It’s like no words would do any justice to it.
Just a new sense of awe from another perspective for me…
This is something that you can’t find it in the wet markets…
… and it ended up in my kitchen.
Good night, peeps.
Achieving greatness is not when everything is smooth sailing to the top, but going through chaos victoriously even when there is no “greatness” for anybody to see. That is greatness.
I just finished on the series of The Unthinkable by 722. The title of my post today might suggest some puffed up egoism and pride at the first thought of it, but actually it’s the total oppositeness of it. It’s undeniable that aiming for greatness is often attached to some element of ego. That’s not the kind of greatness that I’m trying to put up.
It’s evident today as you can see companies, intellectual people from various fields, government and (for this 21st century, even NGOs) so on are trying to be, or portray greatness. Whether in might, brilliance or wealth, it’s always a race to the top. The race to the top can sometimes be a lonely race as there can only be one man on top. But often at times I see a lot of people, puffed up by their success of being at the top had so much pride in them that they lose their sense of thinking. Common sense became no longer, common. They became so delusional in their own world, thinking that everybody looks up to them. It seems more like in their race for achieving greatness, they’re groping for something to fill the void somewhere. Thinking that the greatness will fill the void. A neighbour of mine, a considerable successful businessman who keeps piling up as much pride as he can in all that he has. Even if I were to mention the name of his company, at least 4-5 out of 10 people will know it. And today in the newspaper, he lost his son to a lorry accident and nobody cares. Now I wonder where all his wealth, superstitious beliefs of richness or pride can bring back his son. They can gain the whole world but lose their own soul.
There are many other men who have walked this earth, who had achieve greatness but lived a life as usual and real as any of us. Some of them shaped history and little is known about them. Oskar Schindler is one of them. A shrewd businessman who saved thousands of lives through one of the hardest time in history, and he didn’t end up being a “successful businessman” or a “millionaire” what more a billionaire for that matter. Instead he became a bankrupt. Yet, many people count him as one of the very few who had achieved greatness in this generation. Being at the lowest of cycle of the rat race, yet I believe he could held his head up for achieving greatness not as what the world sees during his time, but remained remembered for future generations.
People don’t need to learn how to be great, but all the more people need to learn to be the least. People don’t need to learn how to be the first, but instead they need to learn to be the last. If you want to be the leader, learn by being the follower. Who cares if the world demands a same standard as long there is the truth? Namaan had his experience of the unthinkable. What good can possibly be out of river Jordan? Tough thought for me to swallow but I myself am taking it bit by bits.
Alright, now I’m going to have my peanut butter- another great inventor with a great life.
Matthew 20:26-28
Steve Jordan’s set…
Some of the things that I can only drool. Maybe I’ll just settle for something lesser…
Some of the things that I knew that I was supposed to go for but I left it there. Probably I was too afraid that I would miss something else before I ever go for it. Great things are awaiting. That’s for sure. With great legacy in getting shaped. I knew that my life is more than just eat, work, self-enjoyment, getting married, having a family, getting old and just die. Full stop. There is a greater purpose and great promises behind all these things. “More than just living and dying. More than just trying to make it through the day.” That meant to pursue the purpose behind the passion of what I’m supposed to do. But getting started is not easy either. Takes a lot of hard work and believing.
These great things are indeed great. In that I’m saying that it’s huge too. As humanly as I can speak, I do fear them. But it will take a small step of faith to get things moving. If a stone and a sling shot is all that it takes to bring giant Goliath down, what else do I need? The whole picture of pleasing Him by faith begins to connect with the great promises that we cannot imagine of think of- that’s the reward. I’m challenged. I have no idea what I’m expecting in my next step. But at the same time I hope I don’t screw things up. Again if a fisherman like Peter can turn a whole city upside down, who are we if we know whose side we’re on.
When you’re one of the many few who are called, what’s your next step?
Hebrew 6:11; James 2:20
Meanwhile before I get some solid stuff to blog about, I guess I’d just post up some stuff that I made last week.
I was using a particular chopper for my work. Nope, I’m not working with a pork seller as a part time job. But I used this chopper for a temporary field work that was going on last week. The hand broke off quite sometime back and my Mom just tie it up with wire mash. By then when I was using it, it gave me lots of problem and I almost got blisters because of it. So I decide to give it a new handle.
The handle that broke off…
After cutting some wood, making some metal pins, drilling, gluing, clamping it over night and some re-shaping, it has finally going to get its touch…
After the thinning process, filing, sandpapering and the final finishing…
Good night.
I have so many things that I want to say but I can’t put it out. Sometimes silence speaks everything and my mind can only contain the unspoken. Will find another time and space later.
from Kelantan…
